


nothing more than child’s play

by WishingTree



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, F/F, F/M, Gen, kid wayhaught, listen i did this just for the comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-09-17 18:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16979241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishingTree/pseuds/WishingTree
Summary: While Wynonna might not have been the most well-adjusted woman in the world, she was, above all else, adaptable. Having been forced to become self-sufficient at a very early age, she had developed skills in many areas and knowledge of many things, and she had used it all to survive very well on her own, thank you very much.However, given all of that, would she ever choose to take care of two small children?Not a single chance in hell.aka the one where Actual Human Disaster Wynonna Earp has to watch over a de-aged wayhaught





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wynonna Earp? Disaster love of my life.

Wynonna hit the ground hard and covered her head, her ears ringing from the blast that had just rocked the front foyer of the sheriff’s station. There was dust all around her, rubble raining down, and Wynonna squeezed her eyes shut and curled into herself.

It wasn’t long before everything started to settle, and then hands were pulling her off the floor, Wynonna looking up to see Dolls’ concerned face inches from hers. His lips were moving, but Wynonna shook her head and winced, not able to hear anything except for a harsh ringing in her ears. 

Sound slowly started to filter back in, and she squinted through the haze in the air, pressing a hand to her temple and wincing. 

“ –nonna? Wynonna!” 

She nodded to reassure Dolls, using her other hand to wave away his concerned ones, but then her eyes widened as she suddenly remembered turning to go back into the Black Badge offices, and Waverly and Nicole ahead of her walking towards the front door of the police station.

The front door where the explosion seemed to have originated.

“Waverly?” she called out desperately, scrambling to get to her feet. She tripped over herself and cursed, pushing herself up again. “Nicole! _Waverly!_ ” 

Dolls jerked back when she almost collided with him, catching himself on his hands before jumping up and grabbing her shoulders. “Wynonna, calm down!”

She shot him an incredulous glare, and he wisely backed off, letting her go.

“Guys, where are you!” Staggering into the dust, Wynonna scanned the area around her and spotted a flash of colour, whirling around and then stumbling to a halt as her mouth dropped open.

Because sprawled on the ground in front of her were two children, bearing a remarkable resemblance to the women in question.

“Um, Dolls?” she called over her shoulder, staring at them with wide eyes. “Yeah, you might wanna get over here.”

The kids stirred at the sound of her voice, both sitting up with shaky motions, and Wynonna heard Dolls step to her side. 

“Waverly?” she tried hesitantly, movements tentative as she crouched down in front of them. “…Nicole?” 

Both children responded to the names, the tiny Waverly identical to the one in Wynonna’s memories even going so far as to reach out for her, and that was when Wynonna noticed they were wearing the same outfits, little miniature versions of the clothes Waverly and Nicole had been wearing moments before.

“…How old do you think they are?” Dolls asked.

Wynonna stared at them for a moment longer before reeling back to sit on her heels. “Alright, real talk here, I’m crap at ages. Absolute crap.”

Dolls ignored her, kneeling down. “I’d guess… three?” 

“I’m kind of freaking out right now,” Wynonna said, voice pitched unusually high, “Dolls, why are you not freaking out right now?”

He shot her an exasperated look, but then their attention was drawn back to the issue in front of them.

“W’nonna?” Waverly mumbled, turning towards her and blinking wide eyes.

“Dolls, they’re… they’re kids,” Wynonna repeated in disbelief, watching as they pushed themselves clumsily to their feet and glanced around, both rubbing at their eyes and looking disoriented. That reminded Wynonna of the fact that they were still lying among the rubble and wreckage of an explosion, and she hurriedly pushed herself to her feet, beckoning them towards her.

“Here, come here,” she gestured for them to go ahead of her, and she didn’t know if she was relieved or not when they listened without complaint. “Back to the Black Badge offices, let’s get out of this mess.” 

Dolls followed after her, and Wynonna nodded towards the two kids. “You take them, I’m going to see if anyone was hurt, or…” she waved a hand around as she took a step towards the destroyed half of the station.

“No!”

They both started in surprise and looked down to see Waverly’s distressed face, her eyes wide and cheeks suddenly stained bright red. “No!” she yelled again, reaching for Wynonna’s hand with both of her own and gripping tight.

“…Alright,” Wynonna said, clearly at a loss. “Dolls, you go check it out and I will… take them back to Black Badge?” 

Dolls nodded and disappeared around the corner, and Waverly relaxed her shoulders but didn’t let go of her hand.

“Erm, so, Waves…” Wynonna tried, words hesitant as she opened the door and nudged them both inside the room, “You… remember me, right?” 

Waverly nodded furiously, rocking up on her toes and exclaiming, “W’nonna!” 

“Okay,” Wynonna blinked, unsure what she was feeling in the face of the name she’d been called for most of her childhood but relieved all the same, and turned to check out the girl on her other side.

“What about you, Haughtshot? Do you know me?” 

Nicole nodded, preoccupied with touching her fingers together, and Wynonna blew out another relieved breath, whirling around as the door clicked open behind her.

“Sheriff’s got it under control,” Dolls announced when he strolled back in. “I didn’t tell him about our… _little_ problem, but he agreed to give Officer Haught the week off. Hopefully we don’t need more than that.” He clapped his hands together. “Now, for the time being, somebody’s going to have to take care of them.” 

Wynonna absently nodded her head in agreement, still staring at the two _children_  in the room as they wandered around, but when Dolls didn’t say anything else, she looked up to find him watching her pointedly.

“…No.  _No_ ,” she said empathetically as realization dawned, “Hell no. Absolutely not.”

Dolls kept his measured gaze on her, and she gaped at him. “I’m not equipped for this!” Wynonna declared desperately, stomping her foot. “Let me fight the bad guys, please let me go fight the bad guys! I know how to shoot things!” 

“Earp, we don’t even know who the bad guys _are_ in this case.” 

“Well then, let me go find out!” 

He gave her another look, and she widened her eyes pleadingly.

“I am not – I barely know how to take care of myself! I can’t be responsible for _that_!” She gestured wildly at the two giggling children tumbling over each other as they tried to – well, Wynonna wasn’t sure what they were trying to do, but it seemed to be some sort of game involving baby charades. She stared.

“Wynonna, this is our only option,” Dolls said calmly and Wynonna scowled at him. He was enjoying this, the bastard. “Waverly literally will not let you leave the room without her, and where she goes Officer Haught is following.”

As if on cue, Waverly came and wrapped her arms around Wynonna’s leg, smiling up at her angelically with Nicole mirroring the expression at her side.

“…Come on, then,” Wynonna muttered, leaning over. She hesitantly reached out and pulled Waverly away from her leg, hefting her up with her arms outstretched and depositing her on a chair. Nicole happily clambered up into the chair next to her, and Wynonna slowly backed away with her hands held out as if expecting them to roll off. They were both watching her expectantly, and Wynonna blinked.

“Um,” she patted herself down and searched her pockets, and then rifled through the desk, yanking the drawers open until she found a stack of post–its. “Here,” she said hastily, shoving a pad at each of them and nudging the pen jar within their reach. That should keep them amused, right?

Nicole giggled, flipping through the post-its with an imprecise flick of the wrist, and Wynonna straightened once they had each picked up a pen and turned away from her, facing Dolls and dusting her hands off.

“Okay, so that was all just a joke and you’re going to take them, right?” Dolls shook his head, fixing her with another look, and Wynonna whined plaintively. “You’re going to gamble their lives on my ability to function as a responsible adult?” 

Dolls gave her yet _another_ look, and Wynonna threw up her hands. “Who the hell takes that bet? I thought you were supposed to be the rational one!” 

“Come on, Earp, you just have to keep them alive until we figure out how to age them back. How hard could that be?” 

There came a clatter from the direction of the desk, where the two children were no longer sitting in their chairs, and Wynonna whirled around. Nicole was on her tiptoes, reaching for her Stetson lying on Waverly’s desk, and there were a bunch of pens scattered on the floor around her.

“Dolls, have I taught you nothing?” Wynonna sighed, picking her way through the mess so she could grab the hat and drop it onto Nicole’s head. “Never say those words.”

Nicole laughed when the hat slid down over her eyes, more than big enough to cover her whole head, and she held out her hands and staggered around. Waverly giggled and wandered after her, pulling on Wynonna’s hand until she followed, and all Wynonna could do was throw a helpless look at Dolls as she stumbled along.

When she turned back, it was to see Nicole eyeing something shiny in her hands with interest, and Wynonna’s heartbeat spiked when she realized it was her badge, the one meant to be pinned on clothing. The one with the pointy thing sticking out of it, currently in the hands of the child.

Dolls swooped in and took away her badge before she could accidentally stab herself with it, and Nicole kept her hands outstretched, her bottom lip starting to quiver.

“Oh, hell no!” Wynonna stepped back, holding her arms out as if to physically ward off the appearance of tears.

“Wait, I know what to do,” Dolls gave her a reassuring smile and rushed outside again. Wynonna stuck her head out the door to see him moving to Nicole’s desk, scanning it and letting out a satisfied breath when he found what he was looking for. “Got it.”

He came back over and knelt in front of Waverly and Nicole, and Wynonna sighed. Nicole was rubbing her cheek, still pouting but cautiously interested, and Dolls smiled at her.

“Here,” he displayed his hands, “You can’t have your other badge right now, but I’ve got something even more special.” He held out a shiny sticker shaped like a cartoon police badge, the ones Nicole kept on hand to go with the ‘honorary deputy’ certificates for any kids that came into the station.

Nicole made a pleased noise and reached for it, and Dolls carefully handed it over, watching as she cooed happily and then passing a second one to Waverly. Satisfied, he stood up again and dusted off his hands. “Earp, it’s like you’ve never handled children before.”

“Listen dude, the last time I handled a child I _was_  one. Where exactly do you think I’m getting any babysitting experience in juvie?” 

Dolls laughed. “Well, you’re about to get some now, partner. Good thing Waverly made you guys finish cleaning up the homestead last week, huh?” 

Crossing her arms, Wynonna glowered at him.

“I’m going to make some calls, see what I can dig up,” he told her, not at all fazed, “You stay here and watch them, alright? I’ll be back soon.”

“Dolls,” she said warningly, “If you leave me here alone – ”

He quirked an eyebrow at her as he backed away, lifting his shoulders in a shrug, and then he slipped into the hallway and shut the door before she could finish her protest. 

“Okay,” Wynonna squeezed her eyes shut and dragged her hands down her face as she began to pace back and forth. “Okay, your sister and her girlfriend are both children, that’s fine, whatever, this is fine. All fine. We’re in Purgatory, why wouldn’t this be fine? This is fine, everything’s under control, all under control.”

Outside the door, there was the sound of debris shifting followed by the crash of something collapsing, but Wynonna opted to ignore it.

“Right,” she took one last deep breath before letting her hands fall away from her face. “I got this.” 

Unfortunately, her tenuous sense of calm disappeared almost immediately when she was greeted with the sight of an empty room. Nicole’s hat was lying abandoned on a chair, and Wynonna spun in a quick circle before doing a quick lap of the room.

“Uh, guys?” she called out uncertainly, stepping forward and peering around the desks. Predictably, she found nothing, and after she finished pacing the room twice, she pulled out her phone to call Dolls.

“ _You_ lost  _them? Earp, it’s been 12 minutes_.” 

“Great, new record. Some help please?” 

“ _They’re probably under Haught’s desk or something, go take another look around_.” 

Sure enough, they were both tucked under Nicole’s desk, Nicole attempting to braid Waverly’s hair and Waverly happily sticking and unsticking her fingers on their honorary badges.

“…How did you know that?” Wynonna asked suspiciously, pulling the chair away so she could crouch down next to them.

“ _Magic_ ,” he deadpanned, “ _You’re welcome. I’m going to sort a couple things out, then I’ll come pick you guys up, alright?_ ” 

“Please make it quick,” she begged, and she could practically hear Dolls rolling his eyes before he hung up on her.

Wynonna muttered a curse, and Nicole smiled up at her before returning her attention to the mess she was making of Waverly’s hair, humming tunelessly as Wynonna blew out a breath.

“Okay, kiddos,” Wynonna shoved her phone into the back pocket of her jeans and reached under the desk to coax them out, hoping they were still in the mood to listen to her. “Why don’t we get out from under there?” 

 

 

As soon as she felt her phone begin to vibrate, Wynonna snatched it up and swiped to answer the call, not even caring to hide the desperation in her voice. “Please tell me you’ve found a way to fix this.” 

“ _I have not. It’s been half an hour_.”

“Dolls,” she growled, trying to mask the whine in her voice, “I don’t need you giving me a time check every time I call, I need some answers!” 

“ _Unfortunately, you’re going to need to wait a little longer. I’m back though, you can bring them out_.” 

“Oh, thank god,” she threw her free hand into the air and then hung up on him, grinning down at the expectant faces of the Waverly and Nicole. “Time to move out, troops.” 

She led them both to the back entrance of the building, holding the door open and looking down to usher them both outside. 

“We’re just going to get in the nice shiny car with the brand new… car seats.” Wynonna paused and stared at the two car seats she could see through the back door Dolls was holding open, already perfectly strapped in. 

“Dolls,” she asked carefully, “Where did you get two car seats?” 

He gave her a very Dolls grin, a mix of smugness and hidden mischief, and Wynonna raised an eyebrow.

“Okay then, up we get,” Wynonna said with as much excitement as she could muster, opting to pick up first Waverly and then Nicole and hold them out for Dolls. Leaving the mechanics of the car seats to him, she hopped into the front passenger seat and clipped her own seatbelt, leaning over and poking him in the arm when he opened the driver side door.

“Okay, they obviously remember us, right? So that means they still have their adult brains somewhere in there? They’re just… little?” 

Waverly promptly blew a raspberry, sending Nicole into another fit of giggles, and Wynonna sank down into her seat with a groan. “Great.” 

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem like you’ll be dealing with two adults here,” Dolls commented pleasantly as he climbed into the driver seat and shut the door, buckling his seatbelt and putting the car into gear.

“Why is this my life?” 

“First stop, we have to get some supplies,” Dolls told her, an amused smile playing on his lips again, “Get them some clothes, the like.” 

“Sure,” Wynonna grumbled, folding her arms over her chest and slumping down even farther. There was a dull thump as a tiny foot hit the back of her seat, and Wynonna narrowed her eyes further, debating whether or not it was worth it to twist around and try dealing with it.

It probably wasn’t.

She stayed put, and then closed her eyes when her seat was kicked again.

Probably.

 

 

In the parking lot for the biggest store in town, Wynonna and Dolls unbuckled Waverly and Nicole from their car seats, Wynonna getting her arm caught in the straps and then handling the kids like very awkward lumps of dough, while Dolls managed to look like he was straight out of some happy toddler commercial. For baby food or some shit. Wynonna wouldn’t know. 

Shaking her head and leading the way into the store, Wynonna strode through the doors and then stopped, spinning around to try and locate the kids’ section. Two little bodies bumped into her legs, Nicole patting insistently at her hip as she looked around, and Wynonna carefully herded them off to the side, out of the way of the main aisle.

“Alright, kiddies,” Wynonna crouched down in front of them, smiling when they both turned to her expectantly, “Why don’t you go tell Dolls what clothes you want?” She nodded over to where Dolls was going through a rack of children’s clothes with the same serious expression on his face that he used when cataloguing weapons. They nodded and scampered off, and Wynonna watched until they reached him before standing and stretching out her neck with a groan.

“Wynonna Earp?” a voice behind her spoke up, and Wynonna spun around to see old Mrs. Anderson, one of the residents of town that had most definitely been involved in shunning Wynonna when she had been younger.

“Are those two… yours?” she asked distastefully, and Wynonna opened her mouth and glanced over her shoulder, pointing vaguely in their direction.

“The kids? Oh, no, they’re my – boss’… friend’s… cousins.” She winced at her lame finish, but then smiled as widely as she could to cover it up.

It didn’t seem to matter, and Mrs. Anderson looked aghast, barely concealing her horror. “Somebody left _you_  in charge of their _children_?”

The tone of her voice clearly conveyed that she wouldn’t trust Wynonna with a bag of dirt, a sentiment Wynonna was sure was shared by the majority of Purgatory, and in this case Wynonna couldn’t even say she blamed them.

“God, I know,” Wynonna sighed heavily, shoving her hands into her back pockets, “Tell me about it, lady.”

“I – ”

An alarmed shout rang through the store, and then there was a crash as one of the clothing racks toppled over, leaving a wincing Dolls standing next to a laughing Nicole and clothes–covered Waverly. 

“Well, that’s probably my cue to go,” Wynonna said brightly, hooking her thumb over her shoulder at the mess that had summoned the store’s employees in swarms. It was suitably disastrous, and Mrs. Anderson was too busy gaping to respond as she spun around to leave.

Come hell or high water, it appeared she now had some kids to wrangle. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Dolls pulled up to the homestead, and Wynonna peeked around into the back to see both Waverly and Nicole dozing in their car seats.

“Now what?” she asked in a hushed whisper.

“You get them, I’ll bring the bags inside,” Dolls told her, getting out and going to open the trunk, and Wynonna made a face at his back as she unbuckled her own seatbelt and hopped out. 

Moving around the car, she opened Nicole’s door first, pausing before awkwardly reaching in and trying to gently shake them awake with a hand on Nicole’s shoulder and the other on Waverly’s leg. They both stirred, blinking blearily, and Waverly yawned as she curled her fingers around Wynonna’s thumb, holding tight. Wynonna blinked down at her tiny hand, not quite knowing what to make of it, and Waverly gave her a dopey smile as she yawned again and let her head list to the side.

Nicole was the exact opposite, waking up extraordinarily quickly and poking at her with quick motions, but when Wynonna looked to see what she wanted she froze, drawing her hands back and turning her head away.

Wynonna shrugged. She didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. 

Unbuckling them with slightly more ease than last time, Wynonna lifted first Nicole out of her seat and then Waverly, not ready for the way her sister squealed and jumped for her the moment she was free. Her other hand reached out for Nicole, seemingly instinctive in the way it patted around before clutching onto her shirt, and Wynonna gaped.

“Whoa, what happened to sleepy Waves, huh? Where’d she go?” she grunted, making sure she was standing on her feet before blowing out another breath and straightening up. “She doesn’t want to hang around even a little bit longer?”

In this time Dolls had managed to bring everything inside and was already headed back, dusting off his hands. 

“Dolls – ” Wynonna started, but he was already shaking his head.

“Nope.” 

“Come on!” she complained again, shuffling towards him with Waverly still clutched on to her, “This is – ” 

“Earp, just look out for them for a while,” Dolls said as he got into the car, slamming the door shut and leaning out of the window. “I’ve got some more contacts I can call, I’ll go poke around, see what I can find.” 

“Dolls…” Wynonna pleaded one last time, but he only made a sweeping gesture at the homestead and raised his eyebrows.

“Your time to shine,” he said mildly, smirking at her, and when she glowered all he did was laugh and drive off.

Wynonna stared after him helplessly, then down at the two girls who had each taken one of her hands.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath and pressed her lips together, “Here we go I guess.” 

She turned and slowly led the way up the front steps and then inside, nudging the door shut behind them with her foot. The bags containing all their purchases were piled neatly against the wall, and she wasn’t sure why she expected the homestead to look different now, but she did.

Of course, it hadn’t changed since she last saw it this morning, and she shook her head, looking down as they moved down the hallway. Silly Wynonna.

Nicole was looking around curiously, and she kept pointing at things and staring at Wynonna expectantly as if waiting for some kind of explanation. Waverly was glancing around with wide eyes, amazed as she tilted her head back and gawked at the ceiling. 

She’d almost walked into several walls at this point, and it just gave Wynonna another reason for keeping a hand on both of their backs, guiding them towards the couch. Couches were soft. Soft meant it wouldn’t hurt. Sitting meant they weren’t walking into walls. Good plan, Wynonna, she mentally congratulated herself.

They went easily, and once they had both clambered onto the couch, Wynonna held her hands out and slowly crept backwards. “Just stay there for a second, alright? Stay.”

She went to poke through the bags, trying to find something that would occupy them, but she didn’t get past the first bag of clothes before she was drawn back.

“W’nonna,” Waverly squealed excitedly, the sound echoing through the house in a way that brought Wynonna back to their very distant childhood, and when Wynonna turned around, it was to see her sister waving around the almost empty bottle of vodka she had left on the coffee table last night.

Her eyes widened, and she lunged forward. “Nope,” Wynonna grabbed it out of Waverly’s hand and set to work gathering up the other miscellaneous bottles of alcohol scattered around. “Nope, nuh-uh, not for you.”

They both tripped after her as she went looking for a place to put them, and Wynonna didn’t understand why they were finding this so funny. Luckily, the cupboards were still mostly devoid of kitchenware, and she stashed the alcohol in the highest one before turning back.

“Okay, kiddies,” Wynonna said as cheerily as she could manage, planting her hands on her hips. “We’re going to… _we_ are going to… going to… um, play – something!” 

They both brightened at the word play, and Waverly flailed to a standstill. One of her arms caught Wynonna in the stomach, and she bent over and wheezed, wind knocked out of her at the sharp jab. “The hell, kid, where’d you get those bony elbows?”

Looking up at her hopefully, Waverly ignored the question and put one hand on Nicole’s sleeve again, gripping tightly as she asked, “Tag?” 

“…Tag,” Wynonna repeated warily, unsure about the implications of the word. “Tag?” 

Nicole beamed up at her, nodding vigorously, and Wynonna shrugged. “Okay… tag it is!” She said it as cheerily as she could manage, but she certainly wasn’t feeling it.

However, there was _one_ thing she was feeling.

If there was one thing she knew… it was that she was going to regret this.

 

 

“Dolls.” 

“ _I’m busy, Earp._ ” 

“Dolls.” 

“ _What is it?_ ” 

“They’re hungry, Dolls.” 

“ _Yeah, that does happen. So make them something to eat._ ” 

“There’s almost nothing in the fridge. Besides, I thought our goal here was to make sure they survived long enough to be aged back to normal?” 

“ _I don’t understand._ ”

“Okay, putting it simply: My cooking will kill them. I don’t know if it’ll be death by fire or death by food poisoning, but they _will_ die. Do you really want to be responsible for that?” 

“ _… I’ll bring something by._ ” 

“Thank you.” 

 

 

“You have applesauce in your hair,” Dolls informed her pleasantly when she opened the door to let him in. He walked around her towards the table where Waverly and Nicole were colouring, heads bent close together, and Wynonna didn’t even bother with a comeback, too relieved at the sight of the takeout bags he was carrying. “Hey guys, how’s it going?” 

They answered with a chorus of hellos as he started to unload the bags, and the two girls looked up with interest, promptly abandoning their pencils.

Wynonna twisted her hands together, suddenly struck with a thought. “Can we feed them Chinese food? Is that – can we do that?” 

“Yes, we can do that,” Dolls said patiently, spreading out the containers and getting out paper plates. He somehow knew exactly how to keep them engaged and happy, complimenting Waverly on the way she rearranged the food on her plate into something that could only just barely be called a smiley face, and when Nicole turned her nose up at the green vegetables on her plate, Dolls was there with a few quick words and she was laughing again, eating them without complaint. 

Wynonna watched it all with her mouth hanging open.

He left soon after that, once again ignoring Wynonna’s pleas for help, and she let her head fall back as she shut the door, using the motion to drop her forehead against it once it was locked.

“God help us all,” she muttered to herself, and then Waverly was tugging at her leather jacket. When Wynonna looked down she saw her rubbing at her eyes with a closed fist, and she softened, smoothing back her hair.

“Tired, ’Nonna,” Waverly mumbled, moving her hand so she was now clutching at the bottom of Wynonna’s turtleneck sweater. Wynonna put her arm around her shoulders, pulling her into her side and feeling Waverly rest her head against her hip.

Nicole was standing a few paces away, twisting her hands together nervously and looking up at her from under her eyelashes, and Wynonna softened further. It was clear she wanted to be closer to them, and Wynonna sighed, beckoning to her with one hand.

“Come on, it’s okay.” Nicole looked up, surprised and hopeful, and took a couple hesitant steps forward. When Wynonna nodded again and smiled reassuringly, she closed the distance and wrapped her arms around Wynonna’s waist.

“Come on,” she murmured, walking them slowly towards Waverly’s room. She helped them onto the bed after taking their shoes off, but Waverly refused to lie down, instead wrapping her arms around Wynonna’s neck and hanging on stubbornly.

“No, you gotta – come on, time to let go,” she tried as she struggled to untangle herself, but Waverly held fast. “Come on dude, please just – you can’t…” 

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Waverly repeated, and Wynonna sighed, going limp.

“Alright, alright, _fine_ ,” she drew out the word, reaching down awkwardly with one hand to undo her laces and toeing her boots off, “You win, you monster.” 

Wynonna flipped herself and laid back against the pillows, lifting her arms as Nicole charged at her from the foot of the bed and Waverly rolled over, both of them burrowing into her sides.

“Just for a little while, got it?” she tried warning, shifting uncomfortably with the very foreign weight of two tiny bodies lying against her, and they didn’t even bother acknowledging the words.

“…Okay.” 

 

 

Wynonna woke up slowly, blinking her eyes at the ceiling and wondering why the walls were adorned with cheerful photographs and bright splashes of colour. It was a far cry from the usual plain grey that greeted her, and she furrowed her brow in confusion, memories slowly coming back. 

Turning her head, she started with surprise when she was greeted by a tiny Nicole Haught, sitting up next to her and watching her with wide eyes.

“Jesus,” Wynonna yelped, recoiling and getting herself tangled up in the blankets in the process. Nicole didn’t move, still staring, and Wynonna blew out a breath. “Okay, wow, alright. Sure.”

Waverly had somehow managed to sleep through the commotion, still curled up against her side, and Wynonna exhaled again, putting a hand lightly on her back. Nicole was sitting stubbornly next to her, and Wynonna noted the way she was fiddling with her fingers.

“You want some breakfast?” she asked, stretching out her neck as she swung her legs over the side of the bed to set her feet on the ground. 

“…No,” Nicole’s voice was quiet but sure, and Wynonna was surprised.

“Wha – aren’t you hungry?”

Nicole hesitated again, but then she looked at Waverly and shook her head, her lips pressed together in a firm line.

“You’re – you wanna wait for Waves?” 

At that Nicole relaxed, giving a small nod and using both hands to gather the blanket around herself, and Wynonna had to smile at the way she tugged at the material over her lap.

“Okay, Haughtshot,” Wynonna settled back against the pillows and pulled out her phone to check for any messages from Dolls, “When she wakes up, then we’ll see what kind of trouble you little rascals can get into.” 

Waverly sighed in her sleep as if in agreement, shifting but ultimately settling in the same position as before, and Nicole smoothed down the blanket trailing over her shoulder, clumsily pulling it back up to cover her.

Wynonna had to smile.

 

 

An hour later, Wynonna was no longer smiling. Not in the slightest.

She snatched for Nicole just as her little hands slipped off the shelf, and she shrieked happily even as Wynonna stumbled backwards, eventually tripping on her own heel and hitting the ground hard. 

Quickly looking Nicole over to make sure she hadn’t been hurt, Wynonna laid on her back and let her go, throwing an arm over her eyes. “You know, I never thought I’d say this,” she mused in exhaustion, letting out a quiet _oomph_  when one of them crawled over her stomach. “But you, Officer Haught, are a bad influence.” 

An inquisitive sound came from above Wynonna’s head, where she guessed it was Nicole sitting playing with her hair.  

“Yeah, I said it, you little monster. If I ever get turned into a toddler, you’re both in charge of watching me and I’m going to make your lives hell.” Wynonna said grumpily, scowling and not uncovering her eyes.

Eventually they both got bored of poking at a prone Wynonna and got up to totter into the kitchen, and she took that as a sign that it was time to get up.

 

 

“Kitty,” Nicole said anxiously as she tugged on Wynonna’s sleeve, all wide eyes and rosy cheeks. Her lower lip was trembling, and Wynonna scrunched up her face.

“Kitty? That better not be a new nickname, bud.” 

Nicole shook her head, her eyes starting to fill with tears, and Wynonna quickly bent down on one knee, hands fluttering over her shoulders as she tried to avoid dealing with any crying. The desperation in the movements was far too obvious for her liking, but there were no witnesses so she let it go.

“Okay, okay, kitty! What – what kitty, Nicole?” 

Nicole sniffled, looking at her with another forlorn expression, and Wynonna threw her arms out, shrugging helplessly.

Her phone vibrated, startling her, and she put a hand on Nicole’s head and pulled it out of her pocket to answer the call, seeing Dolls’ name on the screen.

“’Sup.” 

“ _Hey Earp, I’m at Officer Haught’s apartment now_.” 

The silence that followed was not promising. “What is it, Dolls?” 

“ _You’re not going to like it_.” 

“I am liking very little about this situation as a whole, so just hit me with it.” 

“ _There’s a cat here. Nicole’s cat. And since she’s not here to take care of it_ …” 

Horrified, Wynonna glanced at Nicole, once again being privy to her sad watery eyes. “No.” 

“ _Wynonna_ – ” 

“No. No! I’m not watching the damn cat!” 

 

 

In addition to her babysitting duties, Wynonna was now watching the damn cat. 

 

 

Waverly squealed and clapped her hands when Dolls delivered it, wriggling excitedly in Wynonna’s arms, and Wynonna only tried to contain her for a few seconds before giving up and setting her down on the floor, trusting Dolls to keep the cat out of her reach. Let it be his problem. Nicole was beaming at her side, her hands reaching up for the cat as well, and though she wouldn’t admit it, she was relieved to see her smiling again.

The cat was perched regally in Dolls’ arms, paws on his forearm as she peered down at the two excited children. Though this was the first time she was seeing her, Wynonna had already decided to be eternally grateful that Nicole’s cat seemed to have taken all of Nicole’s best qualities, because as she stood there, the cat very calmly blinked down at Waverly and then pawed at Dolls’ arm, apparently signaling to be let down. Dolls obliged, and Wynonna leaned her shoulder against the wall, content to watch.

She let them amuse themselves, and then it turned out that Dolls had brought them some more things to play with, because he shuffled the children outside to the car and called at Wynonna over his shoulder to watch the cat.

Wynonna huffed but rolled her head to face the cat anyways. Might as well take the opportunity to examine her carefully.

She was the tiniest thing Wynonna had ever seen, sitting off to the side and watching her warily as she flicked her tail back and forth, and Wynonna approached slowly. She had a torn ear and a permanent limp, and Wynonna was actually feeling a strange kinship with it.

“Aw, you must be the runt of the litter,” Wynonna said as she let the cat sniff at her outstretched fingers curiously. “Is that a thing with cats? Or is it just dogs?” She stopped and thought about it. “Or… pigs? Shit.” 

The cat let out a soft meow, evidently deciding Wynonna was alright, because she butted her head against Wynonna’s hand and batted lightly at her wrist.

“ _Mrow_.” 

“Oh, I know. Hope you’re ready, because you’re in the middle of the shitshow now.” 

The cat stretched languidly, and Wynonna sighed. She was talking to a cat now.

 

 

Idly watching Nicole sitting on the floor having an intense staring contest with her cat, Wynonna finished tying up Waverly’s shoelaces and sat against the wall herself. Waverly babbled something that was probably her thanks as she pushed herself up and toddled away at the same time as Wynonna’s phone started ringing, and she picked it up without bothering to check the caller ID, saying, “Dolls, the next words out of your mouth better be ‘I know how to turn them back’ or so help me…” 

“ _Alright. I know how to turn them back_ ,” he recited dryly. 

“What?!” Wynonna jerked upright, now clutching at the phone with both hands, “Really?” 

“ _…No. I have no idea how to turn them back, I was just saying what you told me to_.”

Groaning, Wynonna slumped back down and closed her eyes in despair. 

“ _Anyways, Nedley called me, said all of our cover reports were lost in the explosion. I know we’ve got other concerns, but we need to hurry up and redo all the paperwork before Black Badge comes looking for it_.” 

Wynonna kept her eyes closed and leaned her forehead against her fist. “Dolls, I will _murder you._ ” 

“ _Is that right_?” Dolls hummed in amusement, and Wynonna opened her eyes to glare at the wall. 

“In the span of a couple of hours I have somehow acquired a cat and two children. Now is _really_ not the best time to try and give me some more responsibility.” 

At that moment, she turned around to see Waverly hanging off the counter, somehow having climbed up as she reached for the handle of a drawer, and promptly dropped her phone. Lunging forward as her pulse skyrocketed, she miraculously landed on her feet and snatched her sister up, holding her close and trying to calm her racing heart. She wouldn’t say she was brimming with maternal instincts, but she had plenty of protective don’t-let-the-child-fall-to-her-death instincts, apparently. What was it with these two and trying to climb things?

“Oh my f – Jesus, Wave, you couldn’t just – ”  

Waverly slapped at the drawer again, humming insistently, and Wynonna groaned before jimmying it open and sorting through its contents, trying to guess what it was Waverly wanted. Waverly squirmed around so she could see, and after a moment pointed insistently at… a rubber band ball.

Wynonna stared for a long moment, and then she closed her eyes again and resisted the urge to scream.

Waverly and Nicole _really_ owed her for this.


End file.
